Last weekend I had the honor of standing up in one of my best friend’s wedding. I was overcome with joy for my bestie as I watched her walk down the aisle toward her future husband absolutely glowing. If only I could have told her about that moment five years ago as she shed tears over heartbreak! BUT, then she may not have learned what she needed to learn to call in the man of her dreams.
You see, all of our dreams do come true – just not always in the form we expect or the timing we want. Sometimes it is the NOT having what we want that ultimately prepares us for being ready and available for our heartfelt desires. In my friend’s case, not having the partner she wanted in her life for many years gave her the opportunity to become the best partner she could be to herself. By investing in her emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health, she learned how to say “I do” to herself. She made a vow to take care of her own needs, accept herself completely, choose love over self-judgment, and never settle for anything less than what her heart and soul desires.
Eventually she called in a partner who was everything (and then some) that her heart and soul desired. Given her promise to herself years ago, it was magical to hear the first line of his vows to her during the ceremony: “I vow to take care of myself.” Not exactly the line we hear in romantic movies that are usually filled with co-dependent promises like “you complete me.” Yet the beautiful things he shared about all the ways caring for himself on all levels would ultimately make him the best possible husband and soul partner for her had us all in tears.
We all look and long for others to love us – it’s a natural part of the human journey. And most of us have a romanticized notion of what partnership and marriage look like. If you are spending a lot of energy looking for “the one” or hoping the person you are with will become “the one,” consider that the person you truly long to commit to with a promise of unconditional love and self-care happens to be you.
When you take care of yourself mentally by choosing positive self-talk and eliminating negative beliefs, you are able to see others through eyes of unconditional love and acceptance.
When you take care of yourself emotionally by accepting responsibility for your upsets and compassionately tending to your feelings, you no longer project your upset onto others or expect someone else to make you feel better.
When you take care of yourself financially by having healthy boundaries with money and let go of any misunderstandings about your worthiness, you are creating more abundance in the world and therefore will have more to give.
When you take care of yourself spiritually by deepening your connection to God and elevating your consciousness, you are able to shine your Light even brighter in the world and make a meaningful contribution.
When you say “I do” to yourself, you are taking a powerful vow to be the best partner you can be to yourself first, which will in turn make you a more loving lover, spouse, friend, daughter, son, mother, father, colleague, sister, brother and stranger.
You are your best investment. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is self-honoring. You can exhaust yourself looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than yourself and you will not find that person anywhere. Take a vow of self-love today and say “I do” to you!!
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” -Oscar Wilde
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” -Kim McMillen
Christine Hassler supports individuals in discovering the answers to the questions: “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?” Christine grew up in Dallas, graduated cum laude from Northwestern University and received her Masters Degree in Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. She is now a Life Coach with a counseling emphasis specializing in relationships, career, finances, self-identity, personal and spiritual growth. Her expertise is centered on the twenty and early thirty something years of life. Christine has authored two books: Twenty-Something, Twenty-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction and The Twenty-Something Manifesto. As a professional speaker, Christine leads seminars and workshops to audiences around the country. She has spoken to over 10,000 college students as well as to conferences and corporations about generational diversity. Christine has appeared as an expert on The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, E!, Style and PBS, as well as various local television and radio shows, speaking about life issues and “Expectation Hangovers®” – a phenomenon she identified and trademarked.
Christine is the spokesperson for Zync from American Express and the key resource for their Quarterlife Program, which empowers young people to take control of their finances. She also created a life balance curriculum for the Leadership Institute and is a member of Northwestern University’s Council of 100. Beginning this fall, Christine will serve on the faculty of the University of Santa Monica.